ok - i swear to god i am gonna try and post in this thing more often, i have been reading like a million journals over the last few days and it sucks when they have massive holes in the storylines.
I am also gonna try and take it off the subject of the day-to-day band stuff a little bit - basically we're touring and writing an album...that's the gist of every update for the next 8 months, so i may as well cover that now and just tell you about how we get from A to B.
the journals will be a bigger part of the new website so more people will read - all old posts will be there. may as well give them something to read on those shitty days when you can't be bothered to work and staring at computer screens is all you've managed to do.
thank u to everyone who talks to me on MSN - and to the girls that phoned me up while i was 'working' on lyrics the other day. you reminded me why the hell i was beating myself up trying to get the words onto the page in the first place.
have started myself up a caffeine addiction. i do not have an addictive personality - i'm a self-titled master in the art of letting go. I don't smoke, i don't drink that often (blackouts mean i have lost huge chunks of my life, i'll tell you stories about that later), i don't do drugs (have tried things in the past, but it's not really my thing). so i figured fucking myself up with caffeine was some pretty low-key self destruction. i don't sleep when i need to get shit done anyway, i may as well be buzzing while i'm awake.
chatted to my sister for the first time in ages a couple of nights ago. it was cool to check in with her - if you don't know, i have two sisters, they pretty much rule as people and as sisters - we've both got stuff going on at the moment so we just updated and i re-affirmed that i am one selfish fucker....my life revolves around getting this band off the ground (to a point where I don't have to save up for months in order for us to be able to even consider putting out new CD's etc), getting my design company off the ground (yeah, you didn't know i was a grown up did you?) and getting another top-secret thing off the ground too. In order to make all that happen, i forsake pretty much everything else and look after number one. check your history, most people that have made dreams come true had to work like that for a while so i'm sticking with it.
kev just called me - he calls me most days and we chat for a few minutes, it's cool...me and dan talk for pretty much a maximum of 30 seconds on the phone unless something major has happened (not saying that's bad, just how we roll - we don't small-talk much, we make big plans in every sentence)....in some ways the three of us may as well be the same person, in other ways we are completely different...odd but awesome.
he updates me on some of last nights antics (there weren't many so don't get your hopes up). remember when i said i don't drink that often? well basically i have pretty much no memory of nights when i get drunk. it's gotten worse as i've gotten older to the point where after a few drinks i can kiss my memory goodbye and have to piece the night together from tales told by people who were there or who heard stories. thanks to this little quirk of my physiological being, my teenage weekends are now pretty much composed of half-true memories that may or may not be what happened, but that certainly make for better punchlines.
me and k for katie (yeah, she's real, you'll know all about the name when we finish the new songs) were chatting about it.....people find it hard to believe - they think i use it as an excuse to get away with some fucked up stuff i've done or whatever. but it's true....u can believe what you want. it's a little scary - especially when you wake up somewhere unexpected and have no idea how the hell you got there (even if the explanation is tame and boring, the time spent trying to find out where you are can be weird.) i've gotten so used to it, it doesn't even freak me out anymore...we roll out, we get fucked up, we fuck something up. next day i try and work out what went on and try to pick up the pieces. we don't do it that often so we make the most of it when we get the chance.
right, i'm gonna go take a shower coz i smell bad after last night and then i'm gonna go shoot the breeze with kev and send text messages to girls i had pretty much forgotten existed for a while. without a doubt, words come easier when you're eye is off the prize.....
I think i might start making a bigger deal of myself. still thinking too small...damn my fucking small-town upbringing...it will be the mediocre death of me.